So she probes, "Mommy, one day I will have wings." A long pause. It was a mothering moment that stumped me. Then, "No, baby girl, you won't." (One of my finest mothering moments).
Several fairy dreams and a few months later, she tells me, "Mommy, one day when I get bigger, I will have wings... one day."
"Yes, baby girl, yes you will."
Fantasies. When they start... and how they never stop.
***
When I became pregnant with my first, I was more than a little naive. Stay at home mom! Could life get any better? After all, I spent my whole life around kids and was used to managing thirty students in a classroom. I imagined some days would be just me and a book, with the kids quietly playing in the background. Other days would be filled with adventures and outings -- fun, stress-free trips to the library and zoo. Just look at Maria von Trapp: singing all day, running through the hills, sewing clothes, creating puppet shows. Plus, I spent my entire youth surrounded by children. Sometimes I was forced to take care of my six younger siblings when I didn't want to; other times, I forced my siblings to treat me like I was their mother, when they certainly didn't want to. I spent my free time babysitting for other families. I daydreamed of finding my Captain von Trapp and somehow absorbing the talent to sing.
My thirty-six hour labor was quite the wake-up call. Don't worry, I am not writing to give advice, because I am a day-to-day survivor of motherhood and have no advice to give. (Unless, actually, you want tips on how to never get anything done. For instance: start a blog). My baby girl staying up until 4AM for three months presented a whole new life style. I won't even get into my life changes since having a second, because, quite frankly, seventeen months later, I still haven't found a balance.
I am writing to pursue a passion of mine and to preserve memories of my family. Too many people -- RM, DE, JA, & CH, to name a few -- always remind me how awful I am at taking pictures and recording milestones. And they're absolutely right. I won't even ask my lawyer-husband to argue that one for me.
***
So did I name my daughter Liesl? My son Friedrich? (No, but I'm suddenly regretting it...) Even though I may never have magically morphed into Maria, I was recently blessed to notice some similarities between my life and hers. I have a wonderful, spontaneous husband who literally brought music into the house one day by announcing he purchased a used piano.
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| First Piano, September 2013 |
Then, just the other day, I stepped out of the shower to hear quite the cacophonous melody coming out from under a newly built "music fort."
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| Music Fort, November 2013 |
***
My fantasy started when I was a little girl. And it won't stop until my family of seven children respond to me by way of whistle commands.
