...When You Don't Know Who You Are

I'm having an identity crisis!  All day, every day, this is what I hear:


"Mommy, I'm Tinkerbell.  You are Captain Hook."
"Mommy, I'm Elsa.  You be Anna."  (I have yet to have the privilege of being Elsa).
"Mommy, I'm Harmony.  You are Tender Heart Bear."
"Mommy!  I Batman!  You be Blue Beetle!"  (I still don't even know who Blue Beetle is).

Here in the Hnatiuk home, we are in a relentless world of make-believe.  From one hour to the next, I cannot remember who I am.  I used to think it was pretty cool when I got to be the "step mother" figure.  This way, I could occasionally get the "princess" to do something I wanted her to do.  A few days ago, however, my daughter taught me the arguably best role-play ever.  EVER.  (How come no one in the mommy world filled me in on this one)?  In case you haven't learned the secret, here it is: Let your child be the control figure and YOU be the measly Insignificant.  Go all out.  Set him/her up with a crown, a throne, a scepter.  You will receive chore after chore, task after task.  And before you can snap your fingers Mary Poppins style, you will have cleaned half the house!

I recently read The Awakening by Kate Chopin.  The protagonist expresses her point of view, arguing, "I would give up the unessential; I would give my money, I would give my life for my children; but I wouldn't give myself..."  What is the difference between sacrificing your life for your children and sacrificing your self?  I am not going to dissect this literary quote, but I will say this: as a stay-at-home mom, you need to make a conscious effort to keep yourself intact.  There are mothers I know who have put forth valiant efforts to do so.  A.D. once encouraged a small group of moms to do weekly guided journaling, exploring questions such as, "What interests did I pursue prior to having children?"  Though I never find the time to journal, I still reflect on these questions of personal exploration. 

I suppose my identity bleeds through in our make believe sessions.  Pretending to be Captain Hook, I am reminded that I am often the "bad guy."  When I'm Princess Anna, I remember that I, too, like to shove chocolate in my face.  Being Tender Heart is pretty cool, because I like to be the leader.  (R.M. can attest to that)!  Lastly, Blue Beetle reminds me that I... still need to figure out who the heck that is.


Her identity crisis
July 2014

His identity crisis
July 2014



The baby's crisis
July 2014

It's nice to rediscover the elements of my identity that have fallen out of reach.  I have a few mini escapes that offer me a foothold to my self.  For instance, I got to teach a mini lesson in C.D.'s classroom; I get to moderate a super cool book club (we'll be celebrating our third anniversary this October!); I get to beat my husband in Hive... but keep losing to him in Galaxy Trucker.  These were my pre-children interests, and it's invigorating to still take part in them.  It's truly thrilling, though, to have your daughter ask you to play "teacher," to see your kids light up at the mention of going to the library, and to witness sibling rivalries emerge over games like Elefun.

My awakening occurs at any hour during the night by three little people who need me to be "Mommy."  So let my prayer during this season be, Lord, give me the endurance I need to minister to these little souls you have entrusted to me.  Like Samuel, help me respond to Your calling for me.

 

 

 

This sweet baby hangs out all day.

 

 

 


Noah turned two!