... When You Wait in Joyful Expectation

Sometime ago, I invited a wonderful couple over for lunch.  They came with their first baby in tow, asleep in his car seat.  I escorted him into the "nursery," so as not to be disturbed.  Meanwhile, we enjoyed some disjointed conversation and scrambled together some meatless offerings.  Not before long, we hear a squawk coming from the nursery.  Instantly, the mother and father made delightful -- yet competitive -- eye contact, signifying that parental ESP: Who's going to greet him first?!  Me!  Me!  Me!  Then, the scampering of feet, followed by coos and kisses.

Since I missed April, here's Miri's 4th "Easter" birthday!

That's the face of God I would like to be for my children.  Waiting in joyful expectation.  Love.  Desire.  Delight.  Instead, I confess that (on Mother's Day of all days), as I was trying to cook a new steel cut oats recipe and felt all my clothing being tugged off and my legs being clawed at, I shouted, "GET OFF ME!"  At the very top of my lungs, no less.  Too often, the sounds of my waking children ignite a dreadful anticipation rather than the joyful expectation of those dawning days of motherhood.  How do I rediscover that eagerness of first-time parenting?



Miri's first time writing "the whole family."

I've experienced a lot of "firsts" these past few weeks:
1.  I traveled solo, on a plane, away from my kids for nearly 48 hours;
2.  we celebrated Gus's first birthday;
3.  I dropped Miriam off for her first day of preschool;
4.  and, I watched as Miriam took off for her first field trip...

For minutes and minutes and days and days, Miriam excitedly daydreamt of her bus ride.  To her, traveling on a bus for the first time was more adventurous than the zoo destination itself.  So, I prepared her for her big day with instructions, hugs, and a sack lunch.  At 2:15 sharp, her brothers and I pulled up at the school to watch her come off the bus. 

"Miriam!"  We embraced.  "What was more fun?  The bus ride or the zoo?"

A moment of silence.  Thoughtfulness.  Then, "The part where you came back!"  And we hugged again, this time a little bit longer.

Creating

I believe every mother remembers that moment when she first cradles her precious miracle.  For me, (especially that very first time), I experienced a transcendental moment, in which I truly felt that manifestation of Trinitarian Love.  My babies have shown me the face of God in very profound ways, and it is that very gift that I want to give back to them... over and over again, in an endless sort of way.

Do you remember that first time you saw your husband at the front of the altar?  Or when the two of you couldn't get enough of those tiny toes?  Remember when you were finally given permission to hold your NICU baby for the first time?  How about the time you got to introduce your youngest to his big brother and sister?  I do.

Baby Miri

NICU Noah

Our Wedding
 

Miriam's descent from the school bus allowed me to re-live one of those very first days.  Joyful expectation.  Love.  Desire.  Delight.



Sorry, Gus.  Couldn't find your birth pictures, but happy 1st birthday!